Love is not a choice…
Does that statement make you pause? Maybe you agree and believe in fate, love at first sight (marriage at first sight though???). More likely you know that love is much more than a feeling or attraction. That it is hard work at times and requires intention always.
You know that you have had to choose to love people you love (?) when they are hard to love. You’ve had to choose to swallow feelings of anger or shame to respond lovingly because it was the right thing to do, not necessarily the thing you naturally wanted to do.
But that doesn’t mean you chose to love. It means you have chosen a set of values and principles that shape your understanding of the world and what it means to be a good person. Of all the things to believe in, of all the things you have been taught or experienced in your life, you have chosen that to respond in kindness toward those you care about, to forgive, to continue in relationship when you have been hurt, betrayed or misunderstood. You have decided that believing life can be better, people can change and relationships are worth working through and fighting for is better than anger, bitterness and isolation.
Above all you have decided to believe in someone.
You have decided they are someone who is worth loving. Because of that decision, you will look for things to find attractive about them - not just physically but about their personality, their character, their skills, their values. Basically you have decided they have a value which is equal to the highest form of response.
Love is not a choice, it is an instinctive response which is grounded in your belief that love is better than hate, people are worthy of love and life is better when we love and are loved.
If you are struggling in a relationship or to love a certain group of people (or people generally) don’t try to manufacture love. Evaluate your principles and your beliefs about that person/group of people. You will never truly love others unless you are able to say, with conviction, they are worthy of your love.
From there, let yourself love.
